A Rambling Request
A letter to Michael about Louis
Moribund Devotion, Prologue
I started writing this less than a minute after I last kissed you goodbye, but I had to get the thoughts down before they started to mumbo-jumbo with everything else in my mind
I really don’t understand what hold Louis has over you or even your relationship with him. to me every time you talk about him you generally seem to have a distain for him or at least about how he acts, yet anytime he comes around or pops up on phone calls you always drop everything in existence, and from personal experience you even seem to expect who you’re currently with to also alter and change their plans and expectations Because of him.
Now, as far as your relationship with him and what that is or was, I don’t ask because I let you tell me what you want to tell me because that’s your life; however, from what I’ve gathered from the people that have known both of you longer than I have seem to indicate even they don’t know. At one point John S. Said that you were Louis’s “boyfriend/not boyfriend?” This was in a text to Troy about Louis back in January about what Louis was doing in Columbia.
I probably would not have even approach the subject had he not impacted my life twice in 24 hours. before last night yeah, I wondered what he was to you and you were to him and that whole thing, but it was never important enough to me to question it, however last night You took his phone call during what was supposed to be an intimate moment between us and and although you did excuse yourself, you seemed to not be really contributing to the conversation… maybe because I was in the room (why I went to smoke). Today you did not take the first call, after which you cleverly tried to find me something to do away from you which didn’t work as I had nothing to do. After the second call I read the writing on the wall and offered to Excuse myself, which you accepted.
At the end of this I’m confused. Make it make sense…How should I feel? I personally don’t care for him but that’s based on the words of others, Troy, and mostly yours. I’ve only seen him in person once and said maybe 3 words to him and that was an oddly comical moment due to all the circumstances. But other than what’s happened in the last 24 hours his proximity to him through you has always resulted in a negative feeling for me. Yet, despite every negative thing you’ve said about him (and that’s nearly everything) you prioritize him to a level that is beyond everyone but your blood family.
So I guess after all that emotional word vomit I just need your help making this make sense to me so I can figure out how I feel. Should I just continue to carry the repugnant indifference I have for him? Anger at you for allowing him to be a recurring unwelcomed interruption? Mad at myself for having feelings about you that his recurrences give me feelings that are anything but neutral.
I’m now sitting in my drive way and have been for awhile so I’ll wrap this up. Help me and I’ll talk/see you soon.
- Mitch.
