STREAM OF CONSIOUSNESS | Questions For The Inigma Sitting In Front Of Me

What did I do earn this pain

I gave you everything I had to give

Is it that is wasn’t enough for you

Or are you never satisfied with anything

You know I will punish myself before anyone else can

So why do you keep taking me to the whipping post

Do you think that picking me apart until there’s nothing left

Is going to keep me from going insane?

Yes you gave me an amazing time

Despite the fact you could have ruined it from the start

I chose from that point I would make it great for me

Despite the fact you had tried to rip my heart to shreds

Is everything I gave you worthless

Because you act like what you gave me

Has never been returned to you in the least

If that’s the case I can’t figure out if you’re blind or stupid

The first heart break came when you stopped asking

Simple things, like how are you today, how did you sleep

Eventually even I figured they were waste of breath

If someone I valued so much didn’t give those words a value

When you went days without saying those three well known words

I knew you were already gone emotionally

What are you getting from me sitting across from you

I have too much to offer you or anyone than to waste my all for emptiness

One day I hope you figure yourself out

You’ll never be happy until you can live in your own truth

Stop running away from everyone who offers you an opportunity

To let your soul finally find a place to rest

If you are going to make me the reason why this couldn’t work

Let me get out of town before you can construct that lie

If you think you kept me around while your catch swam away

I hate to think what better opportunities have gotten ahead of me

God Awful Sickly Feeling

I keep getting this God awful sickly feeling, that something negative is coming into my world.  The last times I remember feeling this feeling so strongly was when people I loved did something that devistated me.  This devistation came from the ideas of mutual respect, appreciation, and love that I had for these people who did not share the same levels of respect, appreciation, and love. 

At this time I focus on the lesson that came with this pain.  I cannot let the choices of others hurt me.  I can't help that their minds don't process events and emotions the same way mine does.  Focus on the day at hand and what presents it brings, not what news that tomorrow could or could not bring.

STREAM OF CONSIOUSNESS | not that powerful

You’ll regret pushing me away

Cause when you see me with an upgrade

You’ll be sad you missed your chance

As for me I’ll take it in stride

I gave you a chance too bad it’s gone

I’ll be sure to take care of me

So don’t blame me when you feel inferiority

I’m sick and tired of being made to feel

I’m responsible for everyone’s actions and thoughts

I’m not that powerful

No matter how much power you give me

I didn’t make you sneak around

To feel that you had to screw around

That’s your own insecurities trying you down

I got mine with pride no shame

We were only fucking, just party friends

So don’t make me feel like I’m to blame

Why is my spotlight giving you such a complex

If you knew me as a friend like you say you do

You’d be proud of my time to shine

I’ve been blamed for the roaming eye

When I gave up begging for the attention I deserve

I’ve been blamed for shady games

When I tried to be a faithful man

I’ve been blamed for adultery

When I was the one who kept it in my pants

So anything anyone has to throw at me

It’s nothing new, you’re just a victim in my way

And you wonder why I end up feeling the way I do

I’m not good enough so that as soon as I leave you go get screwed

While I waited and waited for you to take me in

You spend all of our time absorbed in yourself

I’m sick and tired of being hung up on your shelf

Fuck it!  Even though you’re giving me power I refuse to reciprocate

With any man any time ever again

Working for free....

Or at a severely reduced rate... I'm worth more than this, and you know it!

You're taking advantage of a situation.   The responsibilities you're giving me and expect me to complete have paid me very well elsewhere.  You're lucky you have someone who has experience with Hotel Distribution, Package Creation, Sales, and Operations!  Don't expect me to do it for the chump change you're paying me, that's unfair. 

It pisses me off when you expect me to do all these things and you're at work somedays less than an hour, and when you come in you have a list of things that you want me to do because you can't be assed to do it.  You're the one with two college degrees, you're the one who is a CHA, you're the one that is collecting a paycheck that allows you to travel more than be at work. 

It's funny that you're telling everyone that you're going on work related conferences on the weekends...REALLY?  We both know that's bullshit...

Rant over...